Yes, the Xbox Series S toaster is an actual thing you can buy

Feel like your breakfasts don’t convey to the world that you like a bit of the video games quite strongly enough? Well, Xbox is now selling a Series S toaster.

Yes, this is the stage of capitalism we’ve reached. A small kitchen appliance shaped like the funny little box you use to make your screen beam out the likes of Starfield, Baldur’s Gate 3, and Alan Wake 2. Your early morning snacking will never be the same again.

Like everything in the games industry nowadays, mysterious rumours of the Xbox Series S toaster emerged back in March last year, in the aftermath of Microsoft’s decision to release a fridge shaped like an Xbox Series X. Now, as spotted by Twitter user Wario64, the toaster has hit the shelves of an actual retailer, being available for $39.99, which is around £31, at Walmart.

“This appliance will take your kitchen countertop to the next level,” reads the device’s description, “The shade selector dial lets you toast your bread, English muffins, frozen waffles, and bagels exactly how you like them every time, anywhere from lightly toasted to dark.” It also comes with a built-in countdown timer, just in case you’re a coward who doesn’t like to face the challenge of not creating some burnt cinders every time you toast.

However, by far its most noteworthy feature is this: “It imprints the Xbox sphere logo on your bread while it’s heating it.” Yes, as you can see in the toaster’s promo images, that means exactly what you think it does.

Sadly, it doesn’t seem to emit quotes from Phil Spencer every time it pops up some toast, like some kind of console war version of Red Dwarf’s Talkie Toaster.

Walmart identifies it as “the perfect gift for console gamers and Microsoft fans who want a little something extra to show off in the kitchen, dorm, office, or apartment”, which might be the most tragic sentence the English language has ever produced.

If those rumblings from last year turn out to be totally accurate, it might soon be joined on the shelves by the likes of some Xbox-branded ramen bowls, pen holders, and storage boxes.

If you’re now struggling to rationalise why Microsoft seems to be slowly morphing into a market competitor for IKEA, be sure to check out our interesting look from late last year at how the Xbox One has fared in the ten years since its launch.